When We Cry
by Alice Danielle
Summary: Misa's not an idiot. She knows, deep down in her heart, that Light was as fake with her as she was with the world. One-sided MisaxLight, hint of one-sided RemxMisa if you want it to be.


Hey, fanfiction world! It's Alice Danielle. (: I know this story is short, but you'll just have to deal with it. xD There's only so much you can write about this (that applies to the subject), but still, I think I did a pretty good job. (: Then again, it probably sucks, just like everything else i write. -cringes automatically thinking that friend is going to hurt me like she always does when I say this- Heh.... ^^;

So, I'm going to explain nto you how this story came to be, because it's kind of entertaining. (not really). So, my brother decided to tell my parents about the fanfiction nation (yes, tis a nation. On the Internet). Scared my parents would figure out I wrote it (ahem, brother of mine, you'd best not tell, unless you enjoy bleeding), I figured I'd better write some meaningless, straight (as in not gay), fluffy shit about Death Note. Now, this is almost impossible for me, as Death Note is neither fluffy OR straight. Stuck, I forced myself to write a MisaxLight fic. I HATE Misa. SO much. AND I love Light. So.... I couldn't do it, but while trying to force myself, THIS happened. Too bad I can't show THIS to my parents if they found out. They'll think I'm depressed or something. xD Or maybe insane. -shrug- Either way.

* * *

I gazed silently out my window, staring in awe at the sight of the rainy night—to me, it was beautiful. The night sky was pitch-black, mostly covered by dark rainclouds, making the starts invisible. The rain was difficult to see with almost no light, but if you looked closely enough, you could see little white streaks of water, reflecting the little amount of light that existed in the midnight streets.

The thing was, not many people looked closely enough.

All they saw was the drops falling onto the ground, the most noticeable part of the pitch-black, rainy night. They only noticed what was the most obvious, without even _bothering_ to look further; why would they when it was just so much easier to assume that the obvious was all that was there?

If only Light had looked further at me. Then, maybe, instead of seeing a blonde, superficial idiot like everyone else, he would see the intelligent, unique part of me, the one I never showed. I hated that no one could see who I really was, but I could never bring myself to pull down the act. I was too self conscious, too afraid that if I showed them who I really was, then they wouldn't accept me anymore, and my career and friends would all be gone. 

_I'd still have Rem,_ I thought idly to myself, before realizing that I really didn't care much about Rem—he wasn't human, or famous, for that matter. And besides, people liked me how I'd made myself out to be now. I couldn't change that.

_Too bad the only person you really care about _doesn't_ like you,_ I told myself, immediately regretting it when the pain returned quickly and sharply to my chest, only triggered by the reminder of my fake romantic life.

My hand wandered to my heart necklace, grasping it tightly, holding onto it like if I'd let it go, _I_ would end up going with it.

"Misa, what's wrong?" I heard Rem ask; he was starting to annoy me. Sometimes I just wanted to be alone, without a Shinigami watching over me every second. Then I noticed the tear that had fallen onto my windowsill—clearly it had been from my eyes.

"Nothing, I was just remembering my parents….," I began to gaze wistfully out the window. This, too, was an act; my excuse was almost laughable because of its atrocity (as I never thought about my dead parents), but it made Rem stop bothering me, nonetheless.

I wondered about Rem. I mean, why was she always so devoted to _me_ in particular? What made _me_ so special? I sometimes wondered about Rem's sexuality.

"Light's coming," Rem warned me, his voice somber—he didn't like Light at _all_. In fact, he always seemed to be angry at Light for some reason. _I wonder if it's because of me,_ I thought, before I realized that it _had_ to be about me.

I nodded, beginning to start my rush to make myself look presentable. The Misa Misa Light knew _always_ had to look presentable.

I hopped off of my bed quickly, and ran over to my dresser, grabbing my brush. When my hair looked acceptable (arranged in the usual fashion), I began on my makeup, fixing it with one hand. The other hand grabbed my camera, which I shoved between my teeth, as my other hand was needed now. I shoved my boots onto my feet, lacing each one carefully, smoothed my clothes and skirt, and hurried to finish brushing my hair, which had become messy again in my distress to fix everything else.

I could hear Light in the hallway now, so I jumped onto my bed, took my camera, and began taking pictures of myself, posing and smiling cutely—these poses, too, were one of the many things in my life that were fake. Acting like I had been doing this the whole time, I giggled like only Misa could, just as Light walked in the door.

"Light!" I exclaimed. "Wanna see some pictures Misa took while she was waiting for you?" I knew his answer would be no before the question even made its way out of my mouth. I smiled a fake smile and looked up hopefully, quickly transforming into the second Misa I had made myself out to be.

Light loosened his tie, falling backwards so that he was lying beside me on my bed.

_Could tonight….? _I thought to myself, then chased the thought out of my mind; I was so tired of getting my hopes up for nothing.

"Not now, Misa," Light said, sounding a little like he was complaining. He didn't want to be here, that much I knew. He'd rather be sleeping somewhere else, where I wasn't; he probably hated having to see me after work. I felt a tear appear in my eyelid, but blinked it back quickly, acting unfazed by his rejection. "I had a long day at work with the Task Force," he said. Now he was talking to me like I was an idiot, lowering my spirits even more, and shrinking my ego to about the size of a pea.

Being the second Misa I'd made myself to be, I began to attempt getting his attention from a different angle, like I always did. Climbing on top of him seductively, preparing myself for disappointment, I brought my face close to his.

"Maybe I can help cheer you up," I said, a fake smile creeping onto my face. "You know, end your day with something…. Good." I winked at him, tilting my head slightly. I inhaled, readying myself for his 'no' answer.

Light just looked at me, staring into my eyes like I was staring into his—a mirror image. I could tell his emotions were all an act, as he seemed to be putting very little effort into disguising his boredom. I went along with it anyway, though, because it was _so_ much better than admitting the truth.

I looked into Light's eyes with longing, only to see a dull ignorance staring back at me. Why couldn't Light love me? Why couldn't he see beyond the surface and see the Misa I wanted him to see, the one that wasn't dumb _or_ superficial?

But still, I pretended to believe him, as always, making me seem even more stupid than I had already made myself. Why? Simply because pretending was a lot less embarrassing than telling Light the truth.

I knew he didn't love me.

I wondered randomly what would happen if Light decided one day that I was no longer to be of use to him, that someone else was better. Most-likely, he would rid me completely from his life, forcing me to at least _try_ and live without him. I began to picture what my life would be like if this ever really did happen—meaningless, empty, a fake…. Then again, that's all my life ever was.

Light lifted his head slightly, condensing the distance between us dreadfully slowly. _Although… _I thought. _My life isn't totally empty._ Light meant almost everything to me… He filled part of the hole.

Of course, Light knew how much he meant to me, and he only used it to his own advantage. _He's always just been using you,_ I mused. Of course, I'd known this for a very long time—I'd just kept it to myself. _And you will _continue_ to keep it to yourself,_ I ordered myself, stern; if I slipped up and told Light that I knew he didn't love me, he would leave, and then…. I couldn't bear to think of the consequences.

The only reason Light really needed/wanted me was for my Shinigami eyes—the ones that I'd given up half of my life for, all for him. _He _thought I didn't know he was just using me. _He_ thought I was stupider than his dog, empty-headed.

I leaned into Light's arms, bringing our faces millimeters apart. Light pulled me in closer, the space between us collapsing as we kissed passionately.

Well, at least, _I_ was kissing passionately. His kissing was similar to that of my costars in the romantic scenes of a movie—an act.

Deeply immersed in my love for him, I slid my hand up his shirt, getting my hopes up _way_ too high. It was like I was on Cloud-Nine…. However cliché that may be. I smiled slightly, continuing our kiss.

Feeling his hands on my stomach, my hopes raised themselves even higher, one of my hands moving to his hair.

Light pushed me off of him, then, shoving me so forcefully that I nearly fell off the bed.

"Misa!" he yelled, clearly upset. "Not _now_."

I looked horrifically up at him, hopelessness taking over my features. "L-Light!" I stammered. "What…. What did Misa do wrong?"

Light scoffed impatiently, rolling his eyes. "First of all Misa, I'm not in the mood, and I'm tired. You need to learn when it's okay to act like that, and when it's _not_."

A tear rolled down my cheek.

"Secondly, _Misa_," he said my name like a profanity, like I was something to be rid of, "don't mess with my hair, especially not when I'm in a bad mood."

Each word tore me apart inside, every piece of hope I had before was now ripped to shreds, destroyed by Light's cruelty. "Light…..," I began, distress lacing every sound that escaped my mouth.

"Just shut up, Misa," Light said, digging the hole deeper.

I couldn't take this anymore—the constant rejection, the make-believe kisses…. It was getting to me, and when the tears flowed from my eyelids, I couldn't stop them. Dragging eyeliner trails with them, they ran down my cheeks, pulling out delicate sobs from my chest.

I couldn't help but think how _stupid_ and _breakable_ I must have looked then, and it only made me cry harder.

Light, of course, keeping up his charade, sat next to me on my bed, hugging me, comforting me, and whispering apologies.

I don't think I'd ever cried so loudly in my life. And this time, it was in front of Light. _So…. Embarrassing…,_ I thought to myself. But I could hardly care; my sadness overruled my embarrassment, and I needed Light's comfort, no matter how forced or fake it may be.

I wondered silently why such a small rejection affected my so strongly; I was rejected by Light all the time. In fact, there were only a few times similar to this that I _hadn't_ been pushed away.

Thinking about it to myself, I realized something important. When we cry, it's not only because one piece of the puzzle doesn't go—it's because when all the pieces seem to fit, we don't like the picture we see.

* * *

So... there it is. Tis what happens when Alice Danielle tries to write a LightxMisa fic. NOT pretty, OR romantic. xD

Love,

Alice Danielle

P.S. I added the part about Light's hair fye (for your entertainment. Yes, FYE, I frikkin STOLE your store's name. Hah) So.... ^^; Hope you enjoyed!


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